Sunday 12 December 2010
WTF - In The Confession Box
Me Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It's been a while since my last confession.
Father McRosca And what would you like to confess, my child?
Me Well, you see Father... You might have to put the kettle on for this, it's going to take a while. And you might want a cushion.
Father McRosca Please, get to the point.
Me The thing is, I read the book Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll last year, because I've heard so much good things about it. It's a classic and everything, you know?
Father McRosca And whatever's wrong with that?
Me I didn't like it. At all. I mean, it's just Alice popping down the hole, then shrinking and growing, talking to weird creatures, eating strange things, it just doesn't make sense! There's no beginning, middle and end, no real plot or storyline, it's as if I wrote a book which described me walking to the shop to get a carton of milk, then going home. No, my book would be BETTER than Alice in Wonderland, because mine actually has a plot even if it is a little mundane, and it would make sense. People buy milk all the time. This may sound like I don't like fantasy books, but around half of my favourite books are in the fantasy genre.
Father McRosca And what's wrong with not liking that book?
Me Father, I'm supposed to like it. I'm supposed to like it because it's so flyaway, and iconic, and hipster. I'm supposed to quote it on Tumblr, and wear the t-shirts, and dislike the Tim Burton movie, when in fact I really like that movie. I'm being told to like things like leather couches all the time. But why do I like leather couches? And why am I supposed to like leather couches and Alice in Wonderland? I can't answer the first one, but Alice in Wonderland is supposed to be cherished by kids from the Nineties, with Twitter, Tumblr, Harry Potter, Doctor Who, daisies, Friends, We Heart It, and all the rest. And I shouldn't be bothered that I don't like Alice in Wonderland, but it kind of unsettles me. And what does that say about me? You see, there's the thing, the thing that I can't shake off. But I don't like it. I read it, I gave it a fair shot, and I didn't like it, and that's all that matters. Right?
Father McRosca This just gets curiouser and curiouser...
Me Father, are you quoting it? So you've read it then? What did you think?
Father McRosca Why Alice, I haven't the faintest idea.
Me God no. This can't be happening.
Father McRosca Oh, we're all mad here. All mad here.