Sunday 12 December 2010

WTF - In The Confession Box





Me Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It's been a while since my last confession.

Father McRosca And what would you like to confess, my child?

Me Well, you see Father... You might have to put the kettle on for this, it's going to take a while. And you might want a cushion.

Father McRosca Please, get to the point.

Me The thing is, I read the book Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll last year, because I've heard so much good things about it. It's a classic and everything, you know?

Father McRosca And whatever's wrong with that?

Me I didn't like it. At all. I mean, it's just Alice popping down the hole, then shrinking and growing, talking to weird creatures, eating strange things, it just doesn't make sense! There's no beginning, middle and end, no real plot or storyline, it's as if I wrote a book which described me walking to the shop to get a carton of milk, then going home. No, my book would be BETTER than Alice in Wonderland, because mine actually has a plot even if it is a little mundane, and it would make sense. People buy milk all the time. This may sound like I don't like fantasy books, but around half of my favourite books are in the fantasy genre.

Father McRosca And what's wrong with not liking that book?

Me Father, I'm supposed to like it. I'm supposed to like it because it's so flyaway, and iconic, and hipster. I'm supposed to quote it on Tumblr, and wear the t-shirts, and dislike the Tim Burton movie, when in fact I really like that movie. I'm being told to like things like leather couches all the time. But why do I like leather couches? And why am I supposed to like leather couches and Alice in Wonderland? I can't answer the first one, but Alice in Wonderland is supposed to be cherished by kids from the Nineties, with Twitter, Tumblr, Harry Potter, Doctor Who, daisies, Friends, We Heart It, and all the rest. And I shouldn't be bothered that I don't like Alice in Wonderland, but it kind of unsettles me. And what does that say about me? You see, there's the thing, the thing that I can't shake off. But I don't like it. I read it, I gave it a fair shot, and I didn't like it, and that's all that matters. Right?

Father McRosca This just gets curiouser and curiouser...

Me Father, are you quoting it? So you've read it then? What did you think?

Father McRosca Why Alice, I haven't the faintest idea.

Me God no. This can't be happening.

Father McRosca Oh, we're all mad here. All mad here.

5 comments:

Ariella said...

OhmyGod, hilarious!!!!! And BTW, I do like Alice in Wonderland. But I don't care as much for Alice Through the Looking Glass.

Minnie Miracle said...

I understand why you don't like Alice even though I've loved it since I was a wee girl because it's funny, witty, and creative. It tells the story of a dream Alice is having, and dreams don't have plots or make sense. Hence the book wasn't meant to, either, so it's not like it failed in those regards. I thought it wonderfully captured the nonsensical feel of a dream, and I liked Alice because she was like me. I usually only go for adventure fantasy (with plots and sense), but I like Alice even though it's more like -- I dunno the technical name -- surreal fantasy.

If you, however, don't like that kind of book, that's not wrong of you. What gives anyone the right to tell you you have to like it? It's like the way I don't like Taylor Swift, Harry Potter, or Shakespeare. The infamous "They" keep dictating what we should enjoy, and I say people like you and me should rebel. This should not be a confession, Eleanor. Uh-uh. It should be a declaration! You don't like Alice, and you don't have to like it! Declare it!

Now this comment is way long, so bye bye.

Emma :) said...

The way I look at it, the reason people like Alice so much is that it's something they read as a child. Looking at it as a 15(?) year old you're obviously going to have a mature mind than however old we were. It's partly the memory/nostalgia thing as well...I'm aware that the Potters aren't the best written of books, but they represeny my childhood and that's why I love them.

So all in all, it's cool :)

PS I really hate WeHeart It :)

Eleanor Roscuro said...

Ariella: Thank you! I think I'd like to write about Father McRosca again, if he ever gets out of Wonderland that is...

Minnie Miracle: IT WAS A DREAM?! WHAT?! NOW IT MAKES SENSE! Anyway. Yeah, I bet Taylor Swift isn't that fearless. Maybe we should take her up on that challenge! And you're right! We will rebel together! We should make some sort of t-shirt saying 'I Hate Alice In Wonderland!'

Emma: Nostalgia is probably a big part of it, yes. I recently reread all my favourite Roald Dahl books that I loved when I was younger, and one thing I noticed was all the alliteration. 'Great gallumping grizzlers!' and so on. But I still love Dahl!

Eleanor Roscuro

AnnaMcGarry said...

I read Alice In Wonderland recently (so I could base a dance on it - believe it or not) and I can see why people like it, but I was disappionted by the book.

I didn't understand the ending. Of course, I knew how it was going to end, but the last two or so pages just didn't make sense to me.

And I found Alice herself quite a boring character.